Day 4: 8/27/15

Soooo, it was a rough morning after yesterday, as is apparent from my picture today. I felt quite defeated and just wanted to give up and lay in bed all day.  I took connor to the bus and then went back to bed until about 11:30.  I got up and around and went to class.  Class was long and my teacher likes to say uuuuhhhhh all the time.  He skips around and it's kind of hard to follow sometimes, but I'm thinking to myself, well at least it's mostly coursework and not a ton of huge projects like all of my other classes.

I stopped by my mom's office to talk to her for a minute and ended up talking with EIU women's basketball coach.  She was very nice and reassuring and reminded me just to take everything one thing at a time and I will be just fine.

I came home and started on my homework for tomorrow.  I took connor to his baseball practice and ran by my sister's to see my niece and chatted for a bit before I came home and finished up some homework.  I'm doing my best to just go one day at a time.  It works sometimes and others I start freaking out again.

I was feeling better today, just trying to reassure myself that I can do all of this.  It's not going to be easy, but I can do it.  I meet with one of my professors tomorrow to discuss some research ideas and hopefully get a better direction for my research paper.  That's pretty much it for today. Another 5am tomorrow, but at least I don't have my 3pm class, so I'll be done by noon.

Day 3: 8/26/15

So today was just a super weird and exhausting day.  Many of the participants in the adult fitness program were not walking as much, so it was difficult to feel like I was doing much in class.  I will walk by and say hello while they are at machines and such, but it seems to be aggravating and distracting to try to have a conversation with them while they are trying to lift weights.  At least, that's how I feel if someone tries to do that to me.  We had our first classroom meeting for that class and it basically went over all of the things we will have to do over the semester(aka, so much shit there isn't enough time).

After class I walked over to the coffee shop on campus and grabbed some coffee and started reading some for my next class.  I went to class, which was simply everyone going around and showing off the few things they brought into class that were items they felt were important to their daily lives and discussing how research effected those items.

My exercise testing class was just reviewing exercise physiology concepts, which was interesting because I found out that there are at least 4 people in that class who did not get their undergrad degree in Exercise Science.  One was in education..ok, 2 were in administration….that's weird, and one had her bachelors in MUSIC…..MUSIC…..WTF.  The administration and music majors had never had a kinesiology or exercise physiology class before, and they were wanting to go into recreation administration.  Why wouldn't you be in Sports Administration? And how the hell were you accepted into this program????  Good Lord, I would not want to be them taking graduate classes in this major.

I came home and did some more homework and then headed off to my last class of the day.  We spent most of it in groups doing the assignment that went along with the research study we were reading.  I already had it done so it was slightly boring.

I attended my graduate student meeting at 5, which went over a lot of different things, most of which could have been sent out in a memo instead of wasting my time.  I basically found out that, while my program is only a year long, there's a large possibility that it will take longer unless I want to kill myself.  I basically have a crapload of things to get done this semester and I was so overwhelmed already.

It was a rough day, and I bake when I'm stressed…let's just say there were about 4 dozen cookies after I finally started dinner at 7.  Luckily, wine was on sale at County Market too.  I tried to relax and just enjoy the rest of my night and destress.  Colby and I watched Face Off since he had never seen it.  I love Nicolas Cage, especially back in the day.  So after all of that, I called it a night and went to bed, praying for a better tomorrow.

Day 2: 8/25/15

Day 2,

While I tried to make my classes somewhat even, one of my classes ended up having the days and time changed. So I now have a 3-4:15 MW class(meaning I have to pay for a half day of daycare for my son for like 5 minutes of actual care), instead of a 9am on TR.  Not that I'm complaining I only have one afternoon class on TR, but it definitely makes for a long day on MW when I have class starting at 5:15am.

So I got up and took Connor to the bus this morning and then proceeded to come home and nap for a couple hours.  I got up with Colby and made him(and the other people at the shop) some blueberry muffins.  They got a little overdone because Norma takes forever to go to the bathroom...what a bitch.  Anyway, I proceeded to watch a little TV and paint my toenails, since they were "gross and white, and I'm a girl" or at least, that's how Connor put it this morning when he asked what was wrong with my feet.  Kids...lol. So I proceeded to class, where my teacher used the long drawn out "uuuhhhhh" after every word.  It's like the Robin "but um" game but with "uhhhh" and you'd still never be able to catch up with drinks.  So uhhhhhhh after that annoyance, I did a little upper body workout and proceeded to run home and then pick connor up from school.

I ran to Mattoon to the beauty supply store, because they are only open until 5...boo.  Went to walmart and got stuff for supper and snacks and then headed home so that Connor and I could do our homework.  Connor got his homework done and I slowly worked on mine.  I made supper, took connor to baseball practice and then worked on my chapter readings during commercial breaks from Ink Masters.  While I wish that show had less stupid scripted drama, I still like watching it.

All in all, not a terrible day. I got to spend some time at home with Colby for a bit and Connor in the afternoon.  Homework is already feeling like a chore and bogging me down, but honestly, what isn't right now?  Trying to keep climbing this hill, hoping that something good is at the top.  All I know is I see a lot of people, mainly Colby, right now.  He's so happy and in return he just puts out a great attitude and seems to actually be where he wants right now, which is crazy because we are in Charleston, Illinois.  A place we fought so hard to get out of.  But he's content and happy, and I'm not.  At least not in certain areas of my life, other areas are fine.  I just want to get to a happy place, where I feel happy on at least a weekly basis, daily may be a stretch sometimes, but you get it.  I still miss Indy, I miss being there, I miss my friends, I just miss the feeling of achievement that came with getting out of this town.  Oh well, tomorrow is another 5am day so I'm out.

Day 1-8/24/15

From the moment I heard my coffee pot kick on a minute before my alarm went off, I was dreading getting up.  I hit snooze once and then got up at 4:39.  I brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, put my makeup on and pulled my hair up.  I drank my cup of coffee and headed out the door at 5am.  It was still dark and chilly out.  I drove over to the gym and met up where we needed to be for my first class.  There were a couple of students in my class that were in my undergrad, I said hi and of course, as most younger people were in my classes, they barely said hi and then avoided even speaking to me.  Well fuck you guys too.  So we made our rounds to all of the places where we may be supervising and then I headed over to the rec center.  I spent most of my time walking the track with one of the older ladies in the adult fitness program. She was very nice and was very willing to talk with me.

After that class, I went home to get connor and take him to the bus.  I then went home, and drank some more coffee and watched a little tv until my 9am class.  I rode my bicycle back over to class, and boy I am out of shape!  I was winded after like 2 blocks.  Anyway, I went to my 9am research methods class, which made me a little hopeful that I may make it through this semester and have a professor that would be able to help me with my interest in research.  I got a quick workout in before my 11 class, which was just as boring as I thought it would be. I went over to the bookstore and looked at some of the MacBooks they had since mine is on it's last leg.  After that I went home and tried to read some for my next class, boy did that put me to sleep!  I took about a 30 minute nap while Colby got some drawing in and then I headed off to my next class.  Advanced Biomechanics…woof!  While most classes had somewhere from 16-30 people in them, this class is pretty much one for a specific interest in research or biomechanics, there are only 7 of us in this class.

Once I got out of class at 4:15pm, I headed straight home to change and go straight to work at 4:30.  We were so dead, I didn't get a single table for an hour and a half.  I got off work a little early and picked connor up from my mom.  He and Colby got some time to play pokemon before it was time for bed, while I did dishes and laundry.  I sat down to do homework and was so flipping tired I could barely concentrate.  So here I am, finishing my blog of the day and getting ready to go to bed.

Pretty much, I'm exhausted and a bit overwhelmed but I'm doing my best.  I hopefully will be rested enough to concentrate and get stuff done tomorrow for my wednesday classes.

Day 0-Prep

So here's the general idea. I will be doing my best to blog every single day for the next year.  I will take a picture everyday and possibly keep updates on how I'm feeling and also my weight.

I start my masters program at EIU tomorrow morning, bright and early at 5:15am.  I have classes pretty much through the day until 4:15, when I will run home, change, and head to work for the evening.  To say that I'm stressed out is an understatement.  While I have wanted to get my doctorate for a while now, I feel more and more like I'm pretty unsure about my plan.  My brain and body is just tired.  I'm in my 29th year of trying to get on a track with my life that will make me content, although sometimes I feel like I'm chasing my tail.  I worry that my field is too professional to accept the "don't give a fuck" mentality.  I enjoy having piercings and tattoos, and if I want to have fun hair, then I go for it.  Unfortunately, some people have a giant stick up their ass and don't think a person is capable of being fun and also hard working and intelligent.  My goal is to prove those assholes wrong.  It's a really tough battle and I know a lot of people won't change their perspective, but I'm going to try.  Another issue I'm facing at the moment is just plain a lack of positivity.  I came home to shithole, Illinois without wanting to.  I came home because EIU was like $10,000/semester cheaper than IUPUI, and also my son's father will not let him move out of the state at this moment.  So with a super shitty and depressed attitude, I moved home.  I left Indianapolis, a place I really enjoyed and grew to love more than I ever thought I would.  I left what actually felt like home.  It was a horrible feeling, and honestly, even though I've been in Charleston for 2 months now, I still feel like Indy is home, and I miss it.  It helps that my boyfriend was offered a great job over here and moved back too, but it's still hard.  My boyfriend comes home with a smile on his face and loves his job, loves being home around his friends, and I'm a giant cranky B, because I hate my job, this stupid town, most of my friends have moved away, and I'm so tired of putting so much effort into everything with what seems like no reward.  Trust me, I know it's an "instant gratification" world now, but having at least one thing work out at this point would be the furthest thing from instant.  Like a plant that blooms once every friggin 50 years or something, good lord, who has that much patience?!

So I guess I'm not really going into this program with the best attitude, but I'm trying.  I'm trying to breath and clear my head and stay calm and collected.  Fighting one battle at a time instead of worrying about everything at once(which is what I do best).  I strive to be the best, which is probably what drives me to insanity some days.  So in 11 hours, I'll be in the middle of my first class for my masters.  It's going to be an interesting ride, and hopefully this blog will be some way to keep some of my sanity, and maybe it'll get me through this year.  We'll see. So I just finished printing most of my first day paperwork to get somewhat organized for classes, I'm ready for bed already, but the new walking dead spinoff starts tonight, so hopefully I can make it through that at least.

8/23/15
Chelsea Duncan
Age: 29
Weight: 121 lbs